Five Ways to Be a Better Wife

Someone needs to go and tell whoever controls the weather that we have had enough of the snow. 

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It doesn’t look like it is getting better anytime soon either.

It started a few days after we got back from Christmas and I swear it has not stopped since. I normally don’t mind the snow as it is a step up from cold rain, but there is a point where I have had enough.  It’s only January which to some may seem like the end of winter is near but if it isn’t at least March we still have a ways to go before we are out of the woods.

Not to mention it really makes being able to run outside difficult!

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This was my view while spinning at the gym today. I am sick of seeing snow and clouds. I want some sun!

 

Thank you for all your sweet comments on my goals for 2014. A lot of you either sent me questions or enjoyed my goal of being a better wife. This is such a large goal and not very specific.

I thought today I would go into a bit more detail about exactly what I mean by that goal. We have only been married 2.5 years (as of Christmas day) and have been together for almost 9 years.  These two and a half years of marriage have already taught me so much. I have been far from the “perfect wife” if there is such a thing, but I have started to realize what is important and what isn’t.

Here are my specific goals in becoming a better wife in 2014.

 

Five Ways to Be a Better Wife

5 Ways to Be A Better Wife


1. Listen

For many years I just drove straight ahead and never really stopped to listen to what my husband wanted. Of course, I knew the basic things that any husband would want but instead of really stopping to listen to what he said I just did what I thought was best.

Take the time to really listen to your spouse. Find out what is important to them and what makes them happy. I could clean all day and have the laundry completely caught up but that isn’t important to my husband.  Of course, it has to get done but it isn’t my number one priority. 

 

2. Focus on What is Important

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I am guilty of not doing this.  It goes along with #1 in a lot of ways, but I have always struggled with wanting to be perfect at everything.  I want every tiny detail to be perfect to avoid arguments, disagreements, and mess ups. Guess what!? Those are inevitable.  

I have learned that if you focus on the couple of things that are important to your spouse or to both of you as a couple you will get a lot further than trying to micromanage everything.  Don’t forget to really understand your spouse and know what makes them “tick.” If you haven’t had that conversation – sit down and list out the top five things that are important to each of you.  This will really help you to see where you are the same and where you are different.

Some of you may or may not have heard of the Five Love Languages. It doesn’t cover everything, but I think it is a great place to start to help understand what is important to both yourself and your spouse.

 

3. Let Go of What You Can’t Control

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I have always wanted to control everything. I want to plan it, figure out how to fix it, and make everything better. Realisticly this doesn’t always happen.

You have to realize what you can and cannot control.  I can’t control what is going to happen 6 months from now and where we will be moving, but I can control how hard I work and how focused I am to get us where we need to be by then.  I have to let go of the unknown and focus on the here and now.

When you try to control everything your stress level rises and you add tension in a relationship. By focusing on the here and now it allows you to live in the moment and really enjoy the journey together.

 

4. Take Care of Yourself

I can’t stress enough how important this is. As important as it is to take care of your spouse, it is just as important to make sure you are taking care of yourself. 

As I was going through issues with my disordered eating and injury it really took a toll on our relationship. Why? My husband knew I was hurting and wasn’t happy but he didn’t know what to do.  I took the focus away from us and our relationship and was in a hole I didn’t know how to get out of.

You have to take care of yourself if you want to be strong and supportive for your spouse.  If you are not in a good place there is no way you can be the best for your spouse.  There have been several times specifically in the past year when one of us has had to deal with something pretty devastating.  You want to be able to be the rock and support system that your spouse needs.

Bottom line, take care of yourself, your health, and your heart.

 

5. Never Stop Growing Together

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One of the greatest things about marriage to me is that we are a team. In everything we do we are a team.

My husband has always stressed that we need to be on the same page. We need to understand each other and always support one another.  That doesn’t mean that you or your spouse are always going to be right, but regardless it is important to let the other know you support them.

We always try to find ways to grow as a couple. It can be small tiny thing that we do together, new things we try, or just planning for our future.  There is always room to grow no matter how long you have been together. A person never stays the same and as people change it is important to grow and adapt together.

 

That is my two cents on how I am focusing on my marriage and roll as a wife this year.  We all slip and fall but at the end of the day the most important roll I can play is my roll as a wife.  It doesn’t mean there aren’t going to be hard times or we are going to get along 100% of the time, but it does mean that we are both committed to constantly working hard and making our marriage the best it can be.

 

What are your tips on a strong marriage?

What is a personal goal (non-fitness related) that you set for yourself this year?

 
Don’t forget to enter my I Am Brand running shirt giveaway! You only have one more day! The winner will be announced in Monday’s post.

About Sara

Welcome to my blog! My name is Sara and this blog documents my journey as a wife and a runner. I train hard and put my heart and soul into my running. My life is a crazy journey full of ups and downs, and I am here to share it all with you!

22 comments

  1. These are great! I think you covered everything I could think of. I feel like a challenge for me personally is letting go of what I can’t control. As much as I would like to plan out every detail of the next 5 or more years, I know its impossible. Some things I just have to let happen when the time is right.

  2. These are great tips! So true! My goal for 2014 is to work on #3 – letting go of the things I can’t control. We’ve been married for about 2 1/2 years too and, in many ways, I pictured our life pretty different from the way it is now. It’s hard for me to let go of the vision I had for our life, but I’m learning that life isn’t predicable and I vowed to honor and cherish my hubby no matter what life is like. I want to work on being joyful in all situations, even the ones that didn’t turn out the way I wanted, and being a blessing to my hubby instead of sulking when things don’t go my way.

    • I know how you feel! 2.5 years ago I could have never predicted we would be where we are. Life doesn’t go according to plan and I think that is where your marriage really shows it’s strength! I love your attitude! :)

  3. OK…so we have been married 18 years as of this past September. Over the years we have went to bed silently a few times and have held grudges that lasted more than 24 hours…aka…walking around each other and not talking made for a quiet and edgy household. Never the less, we got over them eventually.

    However, finally I am either growing up or like the other ladies said…”letting things go”. I try to bring in more humor to the “issues” that come up and over look the little things more often. I have also designated the basement as his or theirs (the kids included) I go down there less and less and if it looks like a tornado hit it 100% of the time…OH WELL I am not the one living in the mess…..they are. ;-)

  4. thanks for the reminder on being a good wife! i need to tape that to the ceiling!
    emma

  5. Great goals to focus on! Mine include saving money and reading books!

  6. Such a great list! I am not married but this advice is pretty universal. This year I hope to log 1000 miles of running and get down to 23% body fat. I’m excited to start a new year!

  7. I love the list and think that tthese things all come down to love, respect and communication – for each other, and for yourself.

    I remember my sister claiming a few years into her marriage that they never fought, that when it started they just ended up laughing. (they divorced, naturally) Anyone who claims they don’t fight either is lying or they don’t communicate. Life is stressful and difficult, and no two people approach things the same way. Therefore – conflict. But with proper communication, conflict can resolve more naturally and everyone feels like they are listened to. Because it is important that these things are dealt with and reach closure.

    Respect means allowing others to succeed, fail, change, and not be the person we want them to be all the time. Control can be one of the most damaging things in a relationship – especially when done out of ‘love’ … because in that case the other person will feel less inclines to state what they REALLY want, and instead it will fester as the other person extends that control, and can create a massive chasm. Again back to communications.

    There are no books, recipes, task lists or any other ‘quick and easy’ solutions that will make marriage better. All marriages consist of two different people who carry loads of baggage, and sometimes bring other people into the day-to-day operations of the marriage (another quick path to problems) … and therefore all successful marriages are a different formula based on what works for those two imperfect people. Teamwork, and communications.

    • I agree Mike! Communication is key in really any area. We struggled with that for a while and we are slowly getting better at it! I wouldn’t say we are there 100% but the more with both make a conscious effort, the better!

      I have always heard so many people say they never argue – and it honestly makes me sad. I don’t think people can have a real healthy relationship without some disagreements. It doesn’t mean that you have to have all out horrible fights ,but disagreements are inevitable in any relationship! That is part of life, but it is how you deal with those that really make you stronger!

      Every relationship is different but the fundamentals I think come down to the same things. Everyone makes mistakes, moves on, and grows! That’s the beauty in it.

  8. It hasn’t begun snowing here yet this year. We’ve normally had loads by Christmas. I’m very glad though as it means I can still run outside.
    I’ve been with my fiancé for nearly seven years and we get married in August. I can’t wait to become husband and wife and to be the best wife I could possibly be!

    • Aww that is so exciting! Hope you have an amazing wedding :) Marriage is hard but it also the most rewarding thing EVER! So worth it!

      You can have some of our snow if you want it!

  9. I love this list, Sara! The Love Languages are SO important, and even though it may seem like a silly exercise, it can really help out! Kevin’s major love language is “Quality Time,” so even if I rush around doing things that I think will help (like laundry in your example), all he really wants at the end of the day is to hang out. And for me to stop multi-tasking while we’re hanging out :). I also want to focus on being a better wife this year. Thanks for the tips!

    • I am the same way Megan! Wes wants to spend time and I am always trying to do a million things at once! So now I designate a time in the evenings where I shut everything off and just spend time with him. It really helps!

      • That’s a great idea. I used to use the excuse that I really wasn’t allowed to be off the grid due to my job (certainly not in the evenings, and not really even on the weekends) … but I’d really like to schedule in a little bit of time each day when I’m not connected to my phone!

  10. Lots of love and patience! Also I really liked what you said about growing together :)

  11. The Five Love Languages is one of my favorite nonfiction books (I have two copies)! Supporting each others interests and making time for the things you love. Often times when people get into committed relationships, they sacrifice things that they love in order to grow closer to their partner. It is so important not to loose those defining pieces of who you are. I always support and encourage my husband to do the things he loves, and he does the same for me. Makes for a great relationship!

    • I agree Kristen these are so important. We try to always encourage each other and find ways to do things that the other one loves. A relationship is two people – and it is so important to make sure both are doing what they love – it brings us closer together.

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